There was a time when I lived in a way that never honoured God, I was someone who was entangled in the world deeply, obsessed with spiritualism and reaching my higher self, I would fornicate, sleep with demons, lie and always go from one relationship to another.
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I grew up in a Christian household, I had an idea of God but did not know who he was, and I did not know his son Jesus. I was molested at a young age and years later the person tried again and it almost turned into rape. This was the beginning of a life where I did not trust others and lived in shame and disgust. Because of what happened I started being sexually immoral at a young age. I hated the touch of men and was only comfortable with women so as a little girl I would fornicate with other girls my age.
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I had no idea what I was doing was wrong, but one day around the age of nine as I was with one of my friends in bed it was like a light bulb hit me and I realised what I was doing was wrong.
I immediately stopped after.
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The relationships I had in my teen years I learned to be intimate with my partners but I always felt horrible and disgusting after because the memories of what had happened to me at a young age still haunted me.
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After my first breakup, I became severely depressed and felt empty, I had no feelings or emotions for anything or anyone. I became obsessed with conspiracy theories and then started studying chakras, how astral projection worked, lucid dreaming and manifestation. I began spending my days meditating and attempting to reach higher dimensions, neither did I know I was opening doorways, because of my newfound hobby of learning spiritualism I would invite spirits to sleep with me and learn to use energy to sexually arouse myself.
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Everything I was doing was pulling me deeper and deeper into the occult, I was practising witchcraft and did not know it. As time went on I began to believe that we came from alien beings called the Annunaki, I believed they were our creators and after watching a video speaking about how Jesus had children I came to believe that Christianity was fake and renounced my faith.
I found myself in a new journey of following new-age beliefs, believing that we all came from aliens and that there is more than one way to God.
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I thank God for my mother because she sent a video with a man called Spirit Guide whom I used to learn from, he was renouncing everything he had taught over the years and proclaiming the name of Jesus. After watching the video I felt lost, confused and scared. Then I heard a voice and it said call on the name of Jesus and ask to be saved.
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I remember speaking out ''Jesus, I don't know what is going on, but please save me''.
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When it comes to things of the occult it will always be disguised as light, it seems fun and freeing but in reality, it is trapping you in sin. New Age is no respecter of God, it believes in the power of self and making ourselves our gods. It involves Self-worship or demon worship.
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You see, I was entrapped because of my depressive state and needing to feel whole and escape reality. After walking away from Jesus, He still had mercy on me, he called me back into his wonderful arms.
I was the one sheep who went astray out of the 99 sheep, and Jesus came to lead me back to him and return me to the flock.
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Matthew 18:12
AMP
12.
“What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them gets lost, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountain and go in search of the one that is lost?
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13.
And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off.
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14.
In the same way, your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.
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It is not the Father's will that any of us should perish, that is why God sent his one and son, that whoever believes him will not perish but have everlasting life.
You might be someone who thinks they've sinned so much there cannot be redeemed, but you see there is no sin too big that Jesus cannot forgive. He is such a gracious God and accepts those who come to him in repentance, the bible tells us when we confess our sins that God is FAITHFUL and JUST to forgive us of all our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
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1 John 1:9
ASV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Because he is faithful and just we can trust God to forgive us and accept us in his kingdom.
You may be new to faith and would love that second chance at life with Jesus.
You can say this prayer to accept the Lord into your heart:
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Dear Jesus,
I come to you to ask for forgiveness of my sins, have lived a life without you but now I want you in my life. I accept you as my Lord and Savour, I believed you lived I believed you died and rose again three days later for me.
In your name I pray, Amen.